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Mod Breakdown:
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+4984 / +10693 |
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Karma Level:
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+ 51
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| Signed up: |
3 years ago (7/05/06) |
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Last signed in:
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6 hours ago |
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Total time online:
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85d 7h 19m |
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Love Leads to Death
I have a warning for you all. I fear for your lives. As we near National Singles Awareness Day I want to warn you that if you fall in love, you will die.
That's right. If you fall in love, you will die.
You see it all the time, from the classic tales like Romeo & Juliet, King Kong, Annachie Gordon and The Highwayman, to more recent tales like Titanic, City of Angels, Moulin Rouge, and The Dark Knight. These stories teach us that love leads to death....
Or a rash.
So as a warning, do not fall in love. You will die. 
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TASER TASER TASER!
Okay everyone, gather around.
I have a very important lesson I need to teach you.
You see I keep hearing about people who say they have been tased when this is in fact not the case. So let us take a lesson in the difference between getting tased, and drive stunned.
You see getting tased involves being shot with probes (or in my case having alligator clips hooked on my shirt on my top right shoulder and lower left back) and it affects bother motor and sensory nerves. The goal is to immobilize the target. It looks something like this- (CLICK HERE!)
Now a drive stun involves taking the cartridge off of the taser, and hitting someone with the arc. It has the same effect as a stun gun. The goal is pain compliance. It looks something like this- (CLICK HERE!)
Now that I have demonstrated both techniques, please be sure to use these terms correctly from now on.
Any questions on today's lesson?
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Better be worth it....
For the next 60 days my diet sadly will be made up of a lot of cottage cheese.
At least if Insanity does what they promise..... 60 days of cottage cheese will be a small price to pay.
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Still shutting up.....
...but now it's because I won't have time to piss people off.
Still in Phase 1 of P90X, I'm going to make it past the 1 month mark this time. But I decided I need more.
The workout beast in me is coming back, with a vengeance.
And it wants a free t-shirt.
I'm going to do this.
Just ordered it, so in a week I'm going to start 60 days of hell. Because I won't only be doing that, but I'm doing P90X, and I'm doing Zumba, and I am going to be in shape in 96 days! Because I have a special occasion I need to get ready for.
Would anyone like to be my workout buddy?
(oh, if you send in your before and after pics for Insanity you get a free t-shirt. I want that t-shirt, it's really the only reason I'm doing it.) 
(please no worries, if Insanity is as "insane" as they say it is, I'll cut out P90X and slow down on Zumba. I've only ever seen results when I've done very intense workouts and lots of them. I have a reason for this madness, I'll let you know in 96 days if all goes well)
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Shutting up now
I need to keep my mouth shut. I keep getting in trouble. I can't tell you how many times in the past week I've had a taser pulled on me. And the knife. Shutting up now.
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Hey 2010,
We need to talk. Yes, I celebrated you at work, during shift change, and I didn't go out to watch the fireworks, but that's no reason to get pissy. That is no excuse to give me a collections notice for a week of service with Qwest I never got. Not only this but you kept 2009's hate for me. Can my acid reflux go away now? I like losing weight and all but my uniform pants are getting baggy.
The only good thing you did was tonight, when co-workers said the Lt. needed to talk to me in the office. I thought you just wanted me to get in trouble, but no 2010, you tried to make up for being a bad year so far. I just got called in the office because Lt. got me Starbucks. :) Suck that 2009! Hopefully you can continue to be an okay year 2010.
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Sup '09?
Very shortly you will be nothing more than a bad memory.
I hope past years will gang rape you once you join them.
Thanks for all the disappointment, pain, and bullshit.
I can't wait for you to get here '10. We have a lot of work to do.
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Ew
Speedy07 is staying on the couch.
I let him use my pillow.
He used it as a foot rest.
Between his legs.
Remind me to burn it when he leaves.
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